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Lonely is the Hardest

Look out the window at the crowded streets below
Seems everybody has someplace to go.
Look in the mirror with far away eyes
Cry in silence at a wasted life.
Do you believe when I tell you
That lonely is the hardest.
Do you believe when I tell you
That lonely is the hardest state of all.
Suzi Quatro ‘Lonely is the Hardest’

Photo by Kristina Tripkovic on Unsplash

Well, today is my 59th birthday and like pretty much every day of the year I’m spending it alone.

Since losing my parents in 2008 I lost what little contact I had with my aunts, uncles, and cousins – they never really bothered with me before then anyway. I was always the black sheep of the family.

As for friends? Well, I lost a lot of the fair-weather type friends when I lost my job in 2013 following my heart attack. I still see them around the area but they never bother to speak.

Other friends drifted away when my health — both physical and mental — started to decline. I’ve made new friends through my voluntary work but they mostly live a couple of hundred miles away so socializing is difficult 😔. The few that live closer involve a train journey costing £15 return, which having to survive on the pittance paid by ESA benefit is a lot of money!

For people in the 35 – 60 age range there is very little provision for combatting loneliness and isolation. Everything seems to be aimed at those 65+.

So, yet again I’ll be spending my birthday alone. As indeed I spend my life. The only social interaction I’ve had this month is 90 minutes talking with fellow volunteers at a group 50 miles from my home. So yeah, I’m feeling down on what should be a happy day.


Happy Birthday to Me

It was my birthday yesterday and how did I spend my morning? Attending the cremation of my friend Christine. Not how I wished to start the day. I ended the day the way I started it – alone. Nobody bothered asking if I’d like some company or go for a drink. I don’t remember a time since 2008 when I haven’t spent my birthday on my own. Even before 2008 there were only a handful of times that anyone cared to join me on my birthday.

Yes, I do like my own company and I am somewhat of a loner. Yet some human company at times would be welcome. I sit in my local social club and not one of my “friends” in there ever bothers to come and say hello and sit with me for a few minutes. Yet they are happy to sit with assholes who call them behind their backs.

Yea Gods! I’m starting to sound like Victor Meldrew!

Blog Friends

Early Birthday Mail

It’s my birthday in 3 weeks or so and I only expected to receive as usual the one card. Joyce and John, an elderly couple who were dear friends of my late parents, send me a card on my birthday and at Christmas. They are the only people who do so. They have saved me from myself several times since my parent’s passing. 

However, this morning I received this package from someone I don’t even know IRL and only know through a website. I’m not going to open it until my birthday. I must admit that when I saw it that it brought tears to my eyes and hope to my beleaguered heart and soul.