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Blog Mental Health Personal

A Week Without Self-harm

Photo by Hailey Kean on Unsplash

Well, it is now 11 pm on Monday 5th April and it is 7 whole days (give or take a few minutes) since I last self-harmed by cutting myself. Yay for me!

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Blog Friends Personal

Lonely is the Hardest

Look out the window at the crowded streets below
Seems everybody has someplace to go.
Look in the mirror with far away eyes
Cry in silence at a wasted life.
Do you believe when I tell you
That lonely is the hardest.
Do you believe when I tell you
That lonely is the hardest state of all.
Suzi Quatro ‘Lonely is the Hardest’


Photo by Kristina Tripkovic on Unsplash

Well, today is my 59th birthday and like pretty much every day of the year I’m spending it alone.

Since losing my parents in 2008 I lost what little contact I had with my aunts, uncles, and cousins – they never really bothered with me before then anyway. I was always the black sheep of the family.

As for friends? Well, I lost a lot of the fair-weather type friends when I lost my job in 2013 following my heart attack. I still see them around the area but they never bother to speak.

Other friends drifted away when my health — both physical and mental — started to decline. I’ve made new friends through my voluntary work but they mostly live a couple of hundred miles away so socializing is difficult 😔. The few that live closer involve a train journey costing £15 return, which having to survive on the pittance paid by ESA benefit is a lot of money!

For people in the 35 – 60 age range there is very little provision for combatting loneliness and isolation. Everything seems to be aimed at those 65+.

So, yet again I’ll be spending my birthday alone. As indeed I spend my life. The only social interaction I’ve had this month is 90 minutes talking with fellow volunteers at a group 50 miles from my home. So yeah, I’m feeling down on what should be a happy day.

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Blog Personal

Use the KonMari Method to Tidy Your Mind

Your home is living space, not storage space.

Francine Jay

Hoarding Disorder. 1) Hoarding is a persistent difficulty discarding or parting with possessions because of a perceived need to save them. Mayo Clinic.
Hoarding Word Cloud - words associated with hoarding disorder.

As someone whose OCD manifests as hoarding (as the few people I’ve ever let in my flat can testify), this article by Brad Stulberg for Outdoors magazine so resonates with me!

“There’s growing evidence that a cluttered home or workplace is a stressful one. A recent DePaul University study found that physical clutter is linked with procrastination and, in turn, lower life satisfaction. Other research shows that clutter is associated with elevated levels of the stress hormone cortisol.”

“Sparking joy: use Marie Kondo’s approach to declutter your mind.
Along with owning too much stuff, we also pile unreasonable demands on our time. It’s time to limit our focuses.”

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Disability Friends Repost Stress

I just feel so stressed out over certain things right now. Someone has to raise this point urgently.

From: Musings of a Trainee Battleaxe

I can’t relax or sleep at night because I’m stressed out over certain things right now. I’m upset that due to having a disability involving the PDA nature of Autism most likely means that people will chose to punish me rather than help me. That is an awful way to have to live. There will NEVER be support there but only punishment. There will always be HATE there but not love. I’ve read so many stories this week relating to those with the PDA profile of Autism literally coming home from school as a child or work as an adult (if they’re lucky enough to get employment) actually crying and saying that they deserve to die because others have made them feel extremely bad for their issues.

via I just feel so stressed out over certain things right now. Someone has to raise this point urgently.

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Repost

THE UNACCOUNTABLE

When things go wrong under care Professionals do not apologise. Instead they try everything to cover up what has gone wrong and they do this by sticking together and playing on confidentiality. They may use techniques such as gaslighting, coercion and bullying to silence a vulnerable person and their families which could ultimately culminate in safeguarding. However I found the safeguarding minutes – all centred on me, full of lies and I reported them to the Police. I don’t know where to start with all the inaccuracies within medical files but here are a few good examples where everyone is desperately sticking together:…”

https://wp.me/p3kxic-bUGTy

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Repost

Reflections of a Burnt Out Revolutionary

“I write from my room in a mental health unit. After many years of bleeding my often harrowing experiences in the health, social care and housing services all over the walls of conference halls and training rooms I find myself depleted of resources both physical, mental, and spiritual. I feel my skin has been sandpapered off very very slowly until finally I am left with my organs barely held together with a wafer-thin membrane. I was very close to taking my life last week. I do not say this lightly.

Why did I bother to give 100% of my mind and soul to trying to improve the culture of our NHS? You may well ask. In truth, it is now twenty years since I was diagnosed with PTSD and ended up homeless and hopeless, as described in other blogs. Using my experiences in the hope that no-one else ends up there has never been a “job” for me. I have had a single-minded and utterly sincere belief in the adage that the truth shall set us free.”

via Reflections of a Burnt Out Revolutionary

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Blog

And now we welcome the new year. Full of things that have never been

And now we welcome the new year. Full of things that have never been.

-Rainer Maria Rilke

Well, this is my first post of a New Year. I’d like to wish everyone a Happy New Year and that 2018 will be a good one for us all.

I’m not going to make New Year Resolutions because I always break them. I’m just going to try to be a better and more caring person.

Currently I’m working on my Rule of Life. A rule of life is a commitment to live your life in a particular way. It is meant to be crafted with prayer and discernment, in partnership with God, as you consider the way God made you and the values He has inscribed upon your heart. Once written, it serves as a tool that can help you make decisions for your life and determine how best to order your days. It is part of my commitment to my spiritual path which i believe is integral to my physical and mental health.

2017 wasn’t a good year for me. Self-harm and suicide attempt, increased asthma and angina attacks, and several falls being part of it. 2018 could be worse mentally as it is the 10th anniversary of my parent’s death (February and July), but I hope that with the help of my few friends I’ll get through it. I’m lined up to see a CPN (Community Psychiatric Nurse) at the end of January/start of February. My GP, the wonderful Dr Eleanor, is also working to get me seen by physiotherapist/Consultants about my physical issues. In the meantime my Support Worker David is helping me.

In a few weeks I start at Chilli Sudios – art project for people with Mental Health issues. I was supposed to start there a few months ago, but ….!

I’ve got a couple of other things in the pipeline, but they can wait for another post.

Once again my best wishes to you all for 2018!

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Blog

And now we welcome the new year. Full of things that have never been

And now we welcome the new year. Full of things that have never been.

-Rainer Maria Rilke

Well, this is my first post of a New Year. I’d like to wish everyone a Happy New Year and that 2018 will be a good one for us all.

I’m not going to make New Year Resolutions because I always break them. I’m just going to try to be a better and more caring person.

Currently I’m working on my Rule of Life. A rule of life is a commitment to live your life in a particular way. It is meant to be crafted with prayer and discernment, in partnership with God, as you consider the way God made you and the values He has inscribed upon your heart. Once written, it serves as a tool that can help you make decisions for your life and determine how best to order your days. It is part of my commitment to my spiritual path which i believe is integral to my physical and mental health.

2017 wasn’t a good year for me. Self-harm and suicide attempt, increased asthma and angina attacks, and several falls being part of it. 2018 could be worse mentally as it is the 10th anniversary of my parent’s death (February and July), but I hope that with the help of my few friends I’ll get through it. I’m lined up to see a CPN (Community Psychiatric Nurse) at the end of January/start of February. My GP, the wonderful Dr Eleanor, is also working to get me seen by physiotherapist/Consultants about my physical issues. In the meantime my Support Worker David is helping me.

In a few weeks I start at Chilli Sudios – art project for people with Mental Health issues. I was supposed to start there a few months ago, but ….!

I’ve got a couple of other things in the pipeline, but they can wait for another post.

Once again my best wishes to you all for 2018!

Categories
Blog Friends

So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish 

Just said goodbye to my support worker Derek. He has been made redundant and tomorrow is his last day at ISOS Housing – they had a £360,000 cut in funding. He introduced me to the guy taking over my case David who seems like a nice guy. I’m going to miss Derek though. He has helped me immensely in the time he’s supported me. Damn government and their cutbacks to social care!