I had planned on my first post of 2019 being a somewhat optimistic one — looking forward to what this new yeat will bring. However, when the time came I couldn’t face pretending to be cheery.

So, I’ve spent the the first day of 2019 just as I spent the last day of 2018 — alone. Which is pretty much how I spent most days last year and indeed the past 10 years. I know my mental health issues at times make me hard work at times, but it would be nice if friends I’ve known for years actually bothered with me and occasionally asked if I’d like to be involved. I generally enjoy being alone but I dislike being lonely.

Looking at some of my IRL friends posting Facebook/Twitter on NYE saying how much they were enjoying themselves with other of my IRL friends at various bars,club etc. Not once thinking of asking if I’d like to be with them. A couple of my friends do make an effort and I love them for it.

Especially sad to see people I thought were close friends posting about being together in a pub on NYE only 10-15 minutes away from my place. Obviously I’m no longer good enough for them to ask “Hey bro want to join us?”

Then there are the fairweather friends who don’t bother with me now because I’m no longer working and thus unable to take them out for drinks or buy them things.

So, I spent NYE alone in my flat, demolishing a bottle of vodka and 10 cans of ale — finally fell asleep about 7am this morning. Woke around 1pm and felt no different.

I don’t plan on doing anything until next week. I need to think things through and come to decisions about both my future and my so-called “friendships”.

How wonderful to start the year on a downer! Then again, a great deal of Bipolar Life is a downer!

Anyway, rant/moan/whinge over — sorry to bored you! Have a good 2019! Hopefully, by this time next week I’ll be in a better mood!